What I’ve Learned To Do When You’re Not Feeling Good Enough In A Relationship.
Sometimes, even when we can see the other person isn’t perfect, we don’t feel like we are good enough for them. It sucks when you’re not feeling good enough in a relationship! It can come because of your partner’s family, your own self-image or even from your partner himself.
Let me share with you what I’ve learned from my previous relationships, as well as my current relationship dating a man who is heavily into bodybuilding (and I’m a hippy lol).
You Can’t Focus On The Negatives
In the situation where your doubts are coming from either yourself or other people (not your partner), you have to look at what you are bringing into the relationship. He’s with you for more than one reason!
It’s easier said than done to say “nobody’s perfect” but we still seem to focus on our shortcomings (especially us perfectionists!). Rather than taking the approach of “well my housework isn’t so bad”, rather look at your positives and don’t give your shortcomings more attention than they need.
In my relationship now, my partner loves my sense of humor – so I capitalise on it. We laugh every day about something! I’m also very nurturing, and that’s something he loves and it comes easily for me.
What does your partner tell you he loves about you?
Build on that! There will be more than one thing I know it! Maybe it’s doing things together or something?
Why I Felt Not Good Enough
We all come in with our own baggage into relationships. I think as a child I had a low self-esteem for many reasons. Regardless, I eventually drew people into my life who would reinforce that negative image. I subconsciously encouraged them to actually.
I didn’t value myself you see. I didn’t love myself.
It has to start with that! Self Love!
I had an ex who never made me feel good enough because he valued certain personality traits that I didn’t have. I am an introvert, creative, deep thinker and I don’t have the patience for a lot of television shows, gossip and drama.
He was very social, liked a clean house, very adventurous and liked things done the traditional way “because that’s how it’s always been done” and that’s completely okay – but you can see why we clashed.
It was hard for us to break up, but it ultimately ended up much better for us both. We both met other people who are more like us and it makes life much easier. It’s hard to see that when you are in the middle of a broken relationship – but the sun rises still tomorrow.
Bringing The Baggage Forward
So that was many years before I met my current partner and I still feel like I’m not good enough some days. I logically know that I am – but I still like to check with him sometimes, like when we go away together for a romantic weekend: that he’s okay that I’m sleeping most of the time. Which he is.
He’s very happy and I have to put my own insecurities to the side and not compare myself to anyone else. It can be hard too when you know your current partner has an ex with strengths in areas that are different to yours – but as I said, you have to focus on what you are bringing in that is good.
Cause Damn Lady! You must be bringing it if he’s with you not her!
I don’t like those articles that tell you you’re not strong if you think this or feel that. I’ll tell you I feel insecure sometimes and that things can be hard and I don’t care if some people think I’m weak. What I won’t tell you is to give up – and you won’t hear me say it either. I think that’s what makes us different from men: we talk about our feelings in that way, without meaning we are giving in.
But It’s Really That Simple I Guess
I always find writing things down helps. Ask your partner what they love about you and I’m sure you will get a list lol. If it’s their family or friends who make you not feel good enough then talk to your partner about it and get their support.
If your partner is making you feel like you are not good enough maybe you need to explore with them why? Every situation is different so I won’t tell you what to do there – but good communication combined with self-awareness is always a good start.
And everything always comes back to self love, self awareness, gratitude and being in the moment.
Focus on what’s good about you, and your partner will be reminded too because you will subconsciously grow that.
Love yourself always beautiful woman!