Relationships are clearly hard for a lot of people. You know how I know this? Because y’all are going click crazy whenever I or another Personal Development website post anything about them! Data can be creepy hey! But it’s true, relationships can be challenging because they don’t just hinge on your efforts, it’s hubby’s as well. I know I dream of a long life and marriage, old age with my man, and when we have any rough patches I freak out a little (though I try not to show it) because with one divorce under the belt, I’m committed to making things work.
There can be so many reasons you experience feeling disconnected from husband, and I wanted to share with you some things that might be making it worse, and some ways you can breathe happiness back into your life and relationship. Here we go!
It Can Come From A Few Places
So in this article I’m assuming you’re not with a douche bag who needs to be booted to the curb. If you know deep down that he’s bad news, then get with your girlfriends and talk things through. I’m writing this for the women who have an awesome man who deserves your love and things are a just a bit tricky right now.
There are so many reasons to doubt relationships these days, they can include:
- Changing expectations because of gender roles – women don’t have to rely on men anymore so we want them to buck up and do half, especially if we are working too. This can lead to…
- Feeling like there is an imbalance in the give/take relationship. You may feel like you are giving more than you are getting.
- Movies and social media portraying unreal expectations from our partners (wined and dined every other weekend – a perpetual honeymoon period etc)
- Trauma such as losing a child or cheating (this is a big one and you should seek counselling so you are getting the support you deserve)
- Not actually knowing how to be a “partner” and what partnership involves
- Not knowing what “love” should be and the difference between that and infatuation
- Just plain busy (don’t we know it!)
I didn’t know I struggled to trust after my marriage until I met my now partner. When he went through what is apparently called the “two year itch” I was hurt and resentful. With me, I just need time to heal and new experiences to re-strengthen the relationship. We’ve talked about it and are happy. But these things happen, no relationship is perfect and we all bring our baggage in!
What Are Some Solutions?
It comes down to why you are feeling disconnected from your man. If it’s really bad, I always recommend a good marriage counsellor – ask your besties who is good in your local area.
Otherwise here are some things that have worked for me:
- Start with reopening communication. It all starts there.
- Come up with solutions together – don’t just tell him what to do (unless he’s into that kind of thing) but be clear and talk straight. He’s more likely to implement an idea if he thinks he came up with it (wink wink!)
- Read some good books about relationships and marriage. Men are strange creatures and there are great authors who are able to translate their odd behaviour quite well.
- Be real with yourself – are your expectations a bit over the top? It’s good to have high expectations, but we are all human – which probably means he’s going to fart etc. (gross I know)
- Are there “bad influences” in your lives? Like friends or family in your/his ear. People who don’t have your marriage’s happiness at heart (and sometimes it’s misplaced kindness – people think they are helping but they aren’t)
- Allow any solutions you come up with to take time – one huge thing I failed at years ago (I was young) was that my ex thought because I was happy after talking about our problems, and now that there was no longer any problems (his bad, not just mine!). So you need to encourage him to keep taking action on the solutions – it doesn’t end with the conversation.
- And of course – rekindle your love. Do whatever suits each of your Love Languages (take the free test here to find out what is your love language) and do it often. If you have to schedule it in then do it. Whatever it takes!
- Forgive him if you need to. We are all human and holding onto hurt and pain only poisons you and your relationship. If you are holding onto a pain from years, talk to someone. You don’t deserve to live with that in your heart – find a way to let it go (learn how to forgive here).
It can be hard when life gets busy or you’ve been hurt, but if you are both serious about your relationship then I know you can find a way to make it work! I get so irritated with these articles that say “you’re only a strong woman if you do blah blah blah” what a load of crap! Create your own definition of strong!
Be real with yourself, push hard, love yourself and grow. You deserve the best wonderful lady! Always remember that.
You are enough. Right here. Right now.
PS. If you are interested in learning how to create an online business where you can help others solve their problems (like parenting, cooking, relationships – anything) These are the people who are helping me create my passion based business. Maybe they can help you too? Click Here To Learn More.